My mom came across this amazing quote on Oprah Magazine’s Instagram account (she had “regram-ed” it from @fredandfar), “I thought 2020 would be the year I got everything I wanted. Now I know 2020 is the year I appreciate everything I have.” And thankfully she shared it with me. She is very kind.

I sat with this quote for a bit and am still sitting with it. It really resonates with me. I can also totally relate. I had these grand plans for this year: multi-city book tour, family vacation to the Bahamas, seeing my wedding day weight on the scale, my oldest starting Kindergarten in his elementary school, and the list goes on. And when I realized that all of these wants were not necessarily going to happen (I know the whole wedding weight thing is completely in my control, but stress eating often gets the best of me), it was devastating.

Looking back over this year, however, @fredandfar’s quote comes into play. The appreciation for the luxuries I already have. Going back to those basics I previously wrote about, a home, food, my health, my family’s health, love, warm clothes, a car, access to healthcare, and once again, the list goes on. And I find that this list of haves far exceeds the list of wants. If 2020 has given me anything, it is the gift of time to arrive at these realizations.

The flip side: there are an immense number, some we know, many we do not, of people who do not have the haves they need, let alone the wants. Thus, I want to highlight a few giving opportunities with causes/organizations that are near and dear to my heart and are in need of our help and love.

InterAct of Wake County – As many of you know, I have been a survivor speaker with InterAct for almost eight years and currently sit on the Board of Directors. This amazing organization is dedicated to saving lives, rebuilding lives, and securing safer futures for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. They anticipate serving 30 individuals in crisis per day in the month of December alone. Do the math. That is nearly 1,000 people in crisis by the end of this year. You read that right. Please visit their website https://interactofwake.org/ to donate today!
Jon Clapp, living with ALS – “Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis aka ALS, is a progressive nervous system disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, causing loss of muscle control.” (mayoclinic.org) As I have shared previously, my best friend’s brother-in-law was diagnosed with this debilitating disease earlier this year, at the young age of 39. He is an amazing husband, father of three, son, and brother. Talk about a family that is thankful for what they have and longing for their number one want: time. Time with Jon. Time to make more memories. Time to love each other. Time to get all their ducks in a row before his symptoms get worse. Please visit the GoFundMe set up in Jon’s name to help this wonderful family at https://www.gofundme.com/f/jonathans-als-fundraiser!
The Captain’s Hook – Our family came across this company when a dear family friend sent two crocheted koalas to my kiddos. But they are not only beautiful little homemade stuffed animals; they serve a larger purpose. The proceeds generated went 100% to koala rescue in Australia, due to the wildfires. How amazing is that! Melissa Roth, the Massachusetts based owner, also hosts various fundraisers throughout the year for different organizations, benefitting from her beautiful work. Check out her website for a plethora of gorgeous crocheted items and to support important causes around the globe at http://thecaptainshook.com/!
Voices of Hope – I have had the pleasure of connecting with Kristine Irwin, who founded this amazing organization dedicated to “ending the stigma that surrounds trauma, with a focus on sexual violence, domestic violence and abuse.” Kristine is a successful author and speaker, who also runs a blog and podcast aimed at empowering survivors to “Unveil their Voice” and find resources to assist with trauma recovery. Please visit Kristine’s beautiful website to learn more about Voices of Hope and donate today at https://www.voices-of-hope.org/!

The giving bead can take on all different shapes, sizes, and colors. But the important thing is that we have it. Giving does not need to be monetary. Giving does not need to be expansive. It can be both of those things, but they are not required to make a huge difference in someone’s life. So, as we all enter this 2020 holiday season, remember to give in whatever capacity that means for you. Wishing everyone a safe and joyful December 😊

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I feel it is especially prominent in this insane season of life we are all experiencing right now. Given the nature of COVID-19, the lockdowns, the isolation, the inability to travel, and all the other madness, there are people right this very second who are not safe at home.

Think about that. Imagine the very place you try to avoid is the very place you are spending most if not all of your time right now. I personally and thankfully do not face fear, pain, or abuse in my home, but so many do. And right now, they are silenced more than ever. And even more troubling, are living day in and day out with their silencers.

There are several signs of an abusive partner that I previously mentioned on social media (post linked here), and I want to highlight some of these, especially if you or someone you know is in a toxic situation right now.

1. Telling you that you never do anything right.

2. Showing extreme jealousy of your friends, seeing it as time spent away from them.

3. Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with friends, family members, or peers. Insulting, demeaning, or shaming you, especially in front of others.

4. Preventing you from making your own decisions.

5. Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions.

Some of these actions may come as a surprise. Some may not. Some may escalate to physical violence. Some may result in emotional and/or verbal abuse. Some may be considered normal. Some may be causing you to think to yourself, wait, I fall into a few of these categories. Whatever the case may be, domestic violence is at an all-time high right now and we as a community must continue to raise awareness about it.

So what can we do to help those in need?

Check in on those you love. Even if you can’t physically see them right now, give them a call or a text. Ask how they are truly doing. Let them know you are a safe and confidential zone. Tell them to say “code” words like “broccoli” or a sentence, “I’m going to cook broccoli for dinner tonight”, if they are in trouble. May sound bogus, but it can work, especially if an abuser is within earshot.

Look into volunteering at a local rape crisis/domestic violence center. My local nonprofit has recently added a chat function to their website to assist those in need. These organizations are still in need of volunteers for all of the virtual work continuing to be done. The simple act of answering phone calls on the crisis line can change someone’s life.

If donating time is not something you can do right now, donating money is just as essential. Many organizations have lost funding or have received significantly less this year due to the pandemic. They are also gearing up for the holidays, trying to provide clients with some sort of normalcy with regards to gifts for their kids and warm clothing.

The support bead is vitally important all the time, but particularly right now. People are suffering within the four walls of their homes, without a soul knowing about it. It could be your neighbor. It could be your best friend. It could be your parent, sibling, child. However the support bead looks to you, make sure you have it. The smallest action can have the largest impact. And the next time you find yourself pondering about the insane state of the outside world, also consider those whose world is even more insane on the inside.

Hope everyone is staying safe and sane out there! And remember, as Glennon Doyle so beautifully states, “we can do hard things.”