It’s hard for me to envision our lives right now with anything different than young kiddos. But clearly, time goes on and babies don’t keep. When I think of my boys getting older, there is so much I want for them, and so much I expect from them. I want them to be whomever they want to be. Vague statement, I know, but it captures so much.

It goes beyond the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I want them to feel comfortable in their own skin, love whomever makes them happy, and not give a shit what other people think. The other day, my 4-year-old took a gold permanent marker and colored all his toenails and fingernails because he wanted to make them “prettyful” (his word for beautiful). My husband and I loved it. You do you, Ty. Forever and always. While the world tells us that boys shouldn’t have their nails painted, if my kid wants to have his painted, I will always say go for it.

I want both of our boys to feel comfortable talking to my husband and I about anything. I mean anything. The weather, drugs, what to wear on a date, sex, why the earth is round. Open door policy. And I truly believe this must start at a young age. We are constantly asking Tyler how he is doing, validating his feelings, and letting him know it is OK to feel the way he does. Now, it’s not always effective with a 4-year-old, but we figure some of it has to stick.

In general, and yes, I am stereotyping, men prefer not to talk about their feelings. I want my boys to overly talk about them and know that it doesn’t make them any less “manly” by doing so. The world will only get better with more emotionally in-tuned men. Bottling things up and never talking about them is debilitating and unhealthy for everyone.

I want both of our boys to find a passion and go after it. Of course, we want them to make a living for themselves. But money isn’t everything. Take me for instance. I used to be a CPA and worked for a big public accounting firm, and I had great experiences there. Did I love it? No. So, I took a huge pay cut and changed jobs. It took me about a year to do it, but I did it. My life improved drastically, despite making less money.

Just last year, I took another leap of faith by quitting my job completely to become a stay at home mom. And then I wrote a book. It was certainly a path I never thought I’d take, and I want my boys to do the same. Follow the passion. Take the road less traveled. What’s the worst that could happen? They fail? Well, find a different path. And if all else fails, fortunately they will know they can always come to mom and dad for help.

Raising boys in today’s world is fun and interesting, but also scary. With men being behind so much of the daily violence we hear about, I feel like raising boys comes with expectations for how they will grow from boys to men. I have a few expectations of my own. First and foremost, I expect respect. I expect that my boys will respect themselves, women, men, their surroundings, and everything else in between. With respect comes overall decency. And I think we as parents all want our kids to grow up to be decent humans. When you give respect, you get respect. It’s a simple concept but isn’t acknowledged nearly enough.

I expect my boys to always speak their minds (in a respectful way of course). If they see or hear or are involved in something they don’t agree with, I expect them to speak up. Silence is not an option. Silence, in my opinion, is often times worse than the consequences of words. Be the one who stands up for the kid who gets picked on. And then become their friend. Be the one who says no after ten people have said yes. And then get people to understand you. Be the one who does the right thing, not just because everyone else is doing it.

Be strong. Be you. Be your own voice.

I expect inclusiveness and open minds. Everyone is different in their own beautiful ways, and I expect my boys to embrace that. Being different isn’t bad. And there is no definition of “normal”. What is normal anyway? I expect my boys to keep open minds in all situations. Agree to disagree. Include everyone no matter what.

When I was in elementary school, my mom and I would always invite every single kiddo in the class to my birthday parties. My birthday was at the end of the school year, so she would do a huge pool party for my whole class. It was amazing. I remember my mom saying, we will always invite everyone in the class, because for some kids, this may be the only party they get invited to all year. My boys will do the same. These gestures may seem little in the grand scheme of the world. But I am a firm believer that the little things turn in to the big things. Birthday party behavior turns into college party behavior which then turns into housewarming party behavior. The choices made when kids are small set them up for the choices they make when they are big.

So, the next time you find yourself thinking about the crazy world and all of its issues, take a moment and think about your little people. Remember the complex intricacies of that parenting bead.What do you want for your kiddos and what do you expect from them? How will they be able to make the world just a little bit better? After all, they are our future, and the future always arrives before we expect it to.

Ever hear the phrase, “It’s like drinking from a firehose?” That’s how I like to think about being a parent. Except, I would adjust the phrase to include, “It’s like drinking from a firehose, and your kids are in charge of the hose.” Don’t get me wrong, us parents are still in control. Or at least we would like to think we are. Some days, the hose is at a dribble; it’s calm, everyone is dry. Other days, it’s full blast; everything is chaotic, and you’re about to drown.

Then, there is this happy medium, this beautiful space in between that makes it all worth it.

It’s that part of parenting that is exciting and challenging, yet manageable. The parenting bead is all kinds of funky looking. It’s bright in some spots, dull in others. There might be a few chips here and there, but overall, it is a prominent bead on the necklace. One that is with you for life and will always be near and dear to your heart.

I am the proud mama to two crazy red-headed boys, Tyler who is 4, and Logan who is 1. They are both excellent at managing their own personal firehoses and each come with their own quirks and personalities. One was my dream sleeper from 2 months old; the other gave us a run for our money until month 6. One is a snuggle bug, the other would like his own space across the room. One came into our lives via one round of fertility meds, the other, the painstaking route of IVF. Each of my boys bring me equal amounts of joy and frustration I honestly never thought I could experience in my life. I learn something from them every single day, and truly can’t imagine life without them.

When people hear I am the mom to two boys, it’s as if I have suddenly turned into Xena the Princess Warrior. TWO BOYS? Wow! That must be insane! Yes, yes it is. I am always on the lookout for flying objects that shouldn’t be in the air, trying not to lose my shit but half the time losing it anyway, cleaning pee off toilet seats 18 times a day, and making sure I have enough food to feed my teenage toddlers. I also love doing crafts with my oldest, cozying up under the pillow fort to watch movies, being a shoulder to cry on, and opening my arms for big bear hugs.

The insanity versus the calm and all the spaces in between – dance parties in the kitchen, soccer games, music class, and the list goes on. That is what raising our kiddos is all about. Taking the bad and the crazy with the good and the calm. There are days where my husband and I look at each other and wonder how we are going to get through the day. When Logan has teeth coming in and literally won’t stop shrieking. When Tyler decides to assert his wise 4-year-old opinions on literally anything and everything. It’s exhausting and you end the day feeling like a shell of your former self. But then there are days where my husband and I will look at each other at the end of the day and smile because we enjoyed ourselves so much. We didn’t just survive the day. We lived it.

This whole parenting thing is not for the faint of heart. It is a rollercoaster of happiness, fear, worry, the unknown, sadness, guilt, and so much more. And it is ok not to love it all the time. We all do our best every single day. We hope we are doing the right thing, making the right choice, raising good kids. And that’s all we can do.

To all of my fellow parents out there, you are crushing it. To all of the parents to be, parents hoping to be, and parents of those no longer with us, you are crushing it. The parenting bead is a special and complex one. Cherish it, protect it, polish it, share it. We are all in this together.